"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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