1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize