There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
