I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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