Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
