just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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