what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
