I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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