beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
