He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
