the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
