My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
