Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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