guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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