I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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