Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
