What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
