is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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