so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
