literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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