I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
