Having a random hookup so left but love u
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
