its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
