You made me cry and you don't even care
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
