I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
