I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I just put wine in my tea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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