you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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