Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
