oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
