she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
