I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
