You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over