I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster