girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
