4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
