fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
