I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
