Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
