I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
