Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
