i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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