after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
