so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
