We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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