Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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