your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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