between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
