Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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