Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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