I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
