dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
