Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
