Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
