It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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