eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I smell like Dick and happiness
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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