you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED