Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band

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  (214): I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band http://tfl.nu/l50n
  Replies (11) Good night (631) Bad night (1423)
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  (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

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  (408): When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus. http://tfl.nu/kpmf
  Replies (26) Good night (9058) Bad night (789)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls

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  (305): I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls http://tfl.nu/u8nd
  Replies (96) Good night (6950) Bad night (912)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.

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  (410): As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned. http://tfl.nu/df4g
  Replies (19) Good night (5944) Bad night (964)
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  (310): View more from California

  can your parents tell?

  (310): View more from California

  i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

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  (310): can your parents tell? (310): i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know http://tfl.nu/rda5
  Replies (26) Good night (9648) Bad night (1544)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.

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  (630): I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job. http://tfl.nu/iztl
  Replies (7) Good night (4044) Bad night (921)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.

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  (541): New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss. http://tfl.nu/x43e
  Replies (11) Good night (4171) Bad night (824)
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  (845): View more from New York

  im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina

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  (845): im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina http://tfl.nu/gfgs
  Replies (12) Good night (1226) Bad night (2817)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.

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  (+44): I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning. http://tfl.nu/v2mo
  Replies (8) Good night (1966) Bad night (876)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.

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  (775): I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked. http://tfl.nu/hbpw
  Replies (9) Good night (1244) Bad night (622)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets

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  (734): I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/shph
  Replies (6) Good night (1328) Bad night (441)
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  (916): View more from California

  Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.

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  (916): Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again. http://tfl.nu/rten
  Replies (8) Good night (1349) Bad night (585)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...

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  (706): I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up... http://tfl.nu/4p4z
  Replies (8) Good night (1467) Bad night (425)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me

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  (815): This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me http://tfl.nu/y5v6
  Replies (6) Good night (414) Bad night (854)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"

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  (561): My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally" http://tfl.nu/drl0
  Replies (1) Good night (526) Bad night (388)

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