and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
