Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
