it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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