i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
