What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just want to make out with him forever
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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