The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
