just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Terrible idea I love it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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