I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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