Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
