If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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