new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
