If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
