she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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