come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
