How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
