Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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