I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.