WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
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So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner