I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.